I rehearse conversations so much and they never go according to plan. My mind is non-stop on this. No advice from me.

I can also tell someone wants to be friends but I don't want them. Sorry, I know beggers can't be choosers but get lost.

I like your statement "I really do want to make friends", sometimes I go into denial and think I don't need them and I'm somehow superior to others.
Another thing that happens is that when I get a close friend or feel close to my spouse, I want someone else. It maybe I want to impress the person or get some social padding .

Anyone ever take a break and not pressure themselves to be anything different than what they are. Sometimes I do. It is hard to get and stay in this frame of mind.

Hey, I'm feeling kinda of a inner hope on this site. thanks