Ready... I really care about you...tons. You are sinking into major depression (in case you haven't noticed). I am watching you crash, and I can't just sit here and offer you a "there, there". Please talk to your doc about medication, or use your insurance to find a t you can afford. Please. I worry for you. That DOESN'T mean that I don't want you to keep posting here, I just know that we are limited in the help we can give. So keep posting, but seek out RL help as well. Your boys deserve it. Your H doesn't, but those boys deserve a healthy Ready.