I had to write in answer to your pain. Let me say this, you are a special, valuable, and more together person than you give yourself credit for. I think if you took a good look in the mirror, you would see that I am right. Please believe in yourself. Just by being here, you are reaching out.

Your Mom is an angel for helping you now, but it doesn't forgive what she did in the past. I can't imagine the conflict you feel just looking at her. But realize that although you may need her physically, you have it within yourself to stand on your own mentally.

You need friends, outside contact, to help you rebuild your self esteem. There must be group in your community, even through the Church (not necessarily the parish your Mom attends), that you can become a part of, even by letter or email. I am not an expert on anything (well maybe shoes and chocolate!), but one thing I do know is what has helped me through my pain all my life is sharing it with others, and sharing their pain with them. You'd be amazed how empowering it is to know that you are not alone in the things you feel and think!

Please keep us all here posted as you go through your journey. We are "listening"!

wounded1