I am so sorry for your loss, and I know how you feel. My youngest died 11/1/10. He was bipolar, out of mood stabilizers, and rapid cycling. Because he also felt suicidal, he call 911. He did....not his fiance, but he did. He recognized he needed treatment. And for that, he was killed in the hospital. He had a .10 alcohol level, was positive for diazepam (had a prescription). The dr. oldered Klonopin and when my son said his back was hurting, the dr order 80 mg of oxycontin. They assigned a sitter to watch him until he could be transferred, but she didn't watch him. He went into respiratory arrest due to the combination of drugs and she was sitting in the chair next to him and she didn't even notice it.
My oldest son died 2/5/13. I do know how you feel. I am not doing too good either. And I don't think I'll ever get over this.
Not a cheerful, supportive response. I probably shouldn't post it. But I am so consumed by the death of my boys that I feel I have to tell you that you are not alone. The pain is real, intense, and unyielding. My heart goes out to you.