Am I categorized as a sex addict or compulsive sexual behavior..? Or it is OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) which is the source of my problem..? I'm confused of my condition right now.. Could anybody relate to my situation..? Here is my situation : I may get easily turned on or fantasize easily on sexual matters.. On the contrary, when I am thinking or doing my compulsive sexual behaviour, I could ignore my contamination thinking, Such as masturbating to porn on my laptop, Which lead me to feel guilty and remorsed.. It then turns into embarassement or shyness, and social anxiety. My social anxiety leads me to more miserable life as I could not engage in a healthy sexual relationship with the opposite sex / woman.. To further worsen it, as I mention before that I also suffer from OCD. Mainly contamination subject. And I find hard to function normally in society because I use up to much of my brain power to rationalize my OCD such as will I get sick if I don't wash my hands throughly before handling food.. / What if I grab a public door knob or touch elevator button with my bare hands, but unable to sanitize my hands right afterwards.. And what if I do it in front of many people, and they make fun of me / even think I'm a freak which makes me more embarrased.. I don't want to get too detailed about my rituals or obsessive thoughts as it would be too long for a brief description. In summary, I'm confused which one (Obsessive thought about contamination / my Compulsive Masturbation Behaviour is the main culprit.. Which mental health condition that better describes my situation..? What treatment is better for me.. PPlease anyone could relate to my condition right now.. As I'm too confused of it and I could not justify my action well and function normally.. I'm 27 right now but leaved jobless because of it. And it makes me depressed so much that for almost 7 months I almost completely locked myself up in my room trying to rationalize my obsessive thought and rumunating a lot about my past on how I often failed myself because of my unresolved condition.. It really leaves me with major depression.. I even think of suicide as the only option many times as I could not relate my problem in real life, not even with my close relatives like my parents or brothers.. That is why I feel so much of relief when I stumble upon this internet forum. I do really appreciate anyone who would relate to my problem, share, and possibly offer a solution or advices to this debilitating mental disease that has infected my mind for over 14 years since I was 13 years old.
Thank You Very Much for your Kind Attention..