I write this as I sit across from my wonderful mother, and she can not touch me., She cannot hug me. At Xmas I longed to be touched by her, and other immediate family members - no go. I came back here a month ago hoping it might be different, because I could now speak to her, and my dad about what I needed. Mom tried, dad tried to coach mom, and she just couldn't wrap her arms around me. Dad does a bit better. The difference for me, is I want it, yet I know don't need it from them. Why? I do not have a partner so, my therapist provided all of that for me. I am filled up. That attachment that she freely allowed within her boundaries have filled me up enough to not keep hitting my head against a brick wall trying to get what I rightly deserved as a baby/kid from them, and what they can't give me now. I can't change them, yet I finally feel continuously good in their presence. Why? Again, it was the physical touch, the maternal touch that I needed, and that my therapist provided.

My third week here I sent this email, "I love you. I wish I had someone to hold me." She responded, "Love you too. You do have someone to hold you - just not there in person. So draw on that and see if you can hold yourself. I could, and I did."

Before therapy - I Hated Touch. I could not tolerate it, except from children, and even that was iffy for me. Now, I can handle it. I pass it on. My friends, and extended family says I give the best hugs. Isn't that what it's all about? Also, when I give hugs I get a heart warming emotional return. I can take it in - progress.