You've gotten some great feedback, rainbow.

As far as the idea that Ts lie and manipulate...As my T and I were working through our rupture, I told T that I felt manipulated by him. He said, "We always manipulate. That's what therapy is" or something along those lines. It doesn't necessarily have to be a negative thing. It's taking a course of action for a purpose in order to get a certain result. It's hard for me to see that T's responses to me are "just a strategy"....but I try to separate that from his caring.

I don't understand. You were the one who wrote that "I knew that maybe all of this was going to be hard to ever give up, but like a kid eating too much candy, I kept my thoughts to myself for a long time" and "I knew better than she did, that these things would trigger me," so how is that not manipulation? I don't think it's manipulation because I didn't start out wanting her to do these things for me. They were all her ideas. It's not all black and white. I didn't 100% know the emailing would trigger me until after a long time. I thought holding T's hand was a safe way to get the child's needs met. T said so. No other T did IFS with me so how did I know how it was going to end up? I still say that holding her hands was safe and not triggering. I guessed that doing these things may not be good for me, but I wasn't totally sure, and I'm still not sure. Triggered doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong, and liking something T does doesn't necessarily mean manipulation. When I realized that emailing was hurting, not helping, I told T. I never told her that holding her hand was hurting me, though.

If you knew better than she because she was inexperienced, weren't you using it to get what you need?Maybe, but maybe not. I don't think it was wrong for my T to fulfill some of my needs. In fact, she told me: "if holding hands is what that part needs to heal, then that's what we'll do." She wrote that in an email, and I believed her. I never thought it was harmful to me. It's not a good or bad thing, it is what happened. Many people do it probably in their lives, but the difference is that she is a T, not a person to fulfill all our needs and wants. Your pattern involved manipulation if you knew what you were doing and getting from it, more so than your T realized. Again, I'm not sure. I wondered about it because no other T emailed me of let me hold their hand, but no other T solved my attachment problems, either!!

She was inexperienced and probably learned alot. If she was more seasoned, she probably would have avoided many of her behaviors from the beginning.

One thing I forget to add, you mention "blanket of love." The point of therapy is to find that "blanket of love" in the real world. Even if we have crappy familyies, that "blanket" could come from friends.
That's exactly what my T told me. She said the "blanket of love" is within me and I can access it any time. She wasn't talking about from her, though I never quite understood what she meant.
I think the point of T is learning to love yourself and learning to love others... and get our needs met and meet the needs of others.

A T is a teacher, a guide... not the "blanket of love" to keep forever.
They may care about our journey, but their love is conditional on the professional relationship.

A "blanket of love" should come from others that we don't pay for their services. Real love does not come with $$ attached.

I strongly disagree with this. We are paying our T's to give us undivided attention, to apply therapeutic techniques, and to keep their own "stuff" out of the room, but that doesn't mean they can't genuinely love us in addition.

I had a similar experience with my old t. She said she would never abandon me and yet she terminated us. I went through the similar "I hate you"s, and the "you said u wouldn't lie to me" and all that. It's painful. My heart really goes out to you. But sometimes therapists make promises that were fitting at the time, and times change. In order to help u grow through the process. I'm sure your t has your best interests at heart even if it doesn't seem like that...