I think it might be time to terminate with T#1(he is my first T I started with 9 months ago). Of course I became attached to him and even had erotic transference for him but I never got better. He did pull me out of the depression part of my illness but everything else got worse. For this reason I sought out another therapist for one: to help split the transference and two: to actually have some relief and help. I found that T and he has been amazing. Every session is productive bring me closer to easing my bulimia, self- harm, suicidal thoughts,flashbacks, inner critic and I am hoping for the Grand Prize of learning my actual self and making something with my life.

My session with T#1 was laborious and I realizes he still does not know what to do with me. He tries to help me with my faulty thinking but that all stems from my childhood trauma and abusive past marriage. I love T#2 and want to only work with him but I do not know how to go about terminating with T#1 without hurting his feelings and causing the feeling of great loss for me. I also do not know if I am making the right decision. What if I lose a valuable resource and he says I can never come back to him? I did titrate the sessions to every other week in April and that caused some abandonment issues that took several weeks to subside.

I am so torn.