what else happens when you write about creative ways to kill yourself? does it make it closer to reality and so makes it easier to back off from it? does playing it out give you some relief? i understand that. i have to be free to think and if each time i've thought of driving my car off the road got me locked up in hospital it would not be good. also, thinking it thru and the consequences, which i know sounds funny because if we're killing ourselves who cares, but i think of the mess or not wanting to hurt someone else in the process or what if i don't succeed and there are consequences like i can't walk... anyway, that's all very dark. i understand and if writing it helps you, i'm glad. i think it is VERY smart to not let others see it. unless you've been that low, it is hard for others to get it without an intense reaction... what about SAFELY and ritualistically burning the suicide writings? would that be a release of sorts for you? maybe not each time but maybe one day when you feel better even...