This is lousy technique. A T should never give you something she's going to take way again, unless she makes it quite clear at the beginning that it is only temporary.

And what's wrong with holding your hand, anyway?

Just some more thoughts on this. My t is getting ready to go on vacation and acting all goofy. Sd might say wily! I'm inclined to attribute his actions to his unconscious feelings for me and act "around" them - as I would with my mother. But now I see - because of your "lying" thesis - that he is just trying to make a more comfortable place for me to be able to say I would miss him, for example - which I was never "allowed" to miss my mother when she was gone. For me, that's not too wily, because I have asked him to show me how normal people act.

But he must think me the dumbest and hardest dog to train he's ever had, I take such a long time. But this explains why actual dogs relate to me the way they do. I've long suspected they feel sorry for me. I think they recognize someone who's had the will trained out of them.

I would not think of it as lies. I look at change, as much as I don't like it, and know it has to happen; people have to die, go away, get sick, feelings have to change, thoughts and opinions change, etc. We don't "arrive" at a feeling or state in life and that's it, we are done and where we'll stay.

I think it was her inexperience (in being a therapist as well as with you) that maybe made her less than careful about meaning behind her wording of things. Like she says, you cannot hold her hand forever. She cannot come and go when you want her to, you cannot control her.

I would take her initial wording to mean, if it were possible, you could hold her hand forever. The intent is she knows you enjoy holding her hand and she wants you to feel good and be healthy; however, when she no longer believes holding your hand helps you, then she is going to have to change her behavior (because you have not/won't change yours and it is unhealthy to you or her to continue with that behavior at this time).
I thinks that's exactly how it was. Thanks.
I married my husband because I laid my head against his chest one night and asked if we could stay like that forever and he answered "Yes" :-) Don't take the wording so literally, take the idea behind the wording to heart. It's a metaphor of sorts? Thanks, Perna.

I wanted to reply to something Scoriopsis said:

If I focused too much on the love I get from my T, I think that would detract from the reciprocal kind of love I get from my best friend, my dad, my sister, my other friends, and the women I date.

Although I agree with the gist of what you said, not all of us are as fortunate as you are in having friends, family, and romantic others who freely give youthe love you need. Some posterds here don't have close friends or romantic partners, and their family is anything but supportive. For those who only have support from a t, it can be very necessary to feel cared about or even loved--at least for a time.

PS - I realize, though, that that's not the case with Rainbow. She did have a supportive mom and does have friends in her real life. But not everybody does.

Rainbow,

I think you're doing a great job of understanding that your t changed her mind, rather than lying. It's good also that you are able to distinguish the thoughts and feelings of your "child" part versus how the "adult" part of you feels. While recognizing that the child part of you feels sad and angry and feels lied to, the adult part of you can kick in and help that child part to understand things in a more realistic way.

I personally think you are doing great in your therapy!

I like that. You mean but you don't MEAN it. But you mean it!

Those are all said with a child's limited understanding of the adult world.

Children have a limited understanding of the adult world, yes. But you're an adult. I get the feeling that you are able and capable of seeing the world through an adult's eyes and experience, and in a sustained manner, but perhaps you feel closer and more connected to your therapist when you interact with her more as a child -could this be true?

But if you don't have that IRL and a therapist attempts to fulfill/replace the needs and wants that would otherwise be provided by people IRL, would this not *potentially* lead someone to not seek this in IRL because they already have it? Does this not potentially take away the motivation (and freedom, in a way) to do this?

If you don't have it, why go out and seek it if you have it in your therapist? But since the therapist isn't always going to be there (and as has been shown on the forum, at times, may not always give the same amount of themselves down the road), then maybe not getting all of this from one's therapist can help *encourage* people to at least seek it elsewhere, as hard as it can be to find sometimes?

I think we have the capacity to take love in from many sources, and not have it distract from other relationships. If it becomes an issue then it warrants a discussion in therapy. It could be a transference issue that needs to be tweaked.