Hi Brookester --

I hope you have someone closer to the relationship to talk this over with or a therapist.

When my mate of 15 years left me, he could not hear anything I wanted to say, so trying to say it added to my stress.

However, when my husband and I broke up many years before that relationship, we remained friendly, and we were able to say a lot to each other in the aftermath.

So I would have to say that it is going to depend on your situation.

Sometimes it helps to write what we can't say -- and write it out as often and in as many different ways as it takes to get it all out. Talking about it with a therapist and friends also can be helpful if the X is emotionally unavailable.