Hi Pammie --

My situation was much the same as all of you have described.

Then, in 2003, when my life fell apart, my therapist taught me some things to say to set boundaries with my mom and instruct her respectfully about what is supportive and what isn't.

The weird thing is that even thought the woman is 82, she actually stopped being so accusatory. We will never have a huggy feely touchy relationship, which is sad for both of us because it leaves us both with an emotionally impoverished lives. But it is soooo much better.

But for many many years, I had to self-protect myself in whatever way I could, including living far away from her and keeping contact to a minimum.

It's still only a weekly phone call, but I don't hate it and I know I am going to miss my mom very much when she is gone, instead of being relieved, like I always figured I would be.

Good luck with this.