I truly believe that my being born was just a big mistake. My life is meaningless, and I would take myself out of it except for one thing....I don't want anything bad to happen to my cats. And while I love them all dearly, sadly I am not even able to see them as the blessings that they are, as in a strange way I resent them for keeping me from doing what I want to do, to make it all stop. I am also filled with guilt because I am always on my last nerve, and when they do things like make messes, meow incessantly, etc. I lose my patience quickly and scream at them, after which I collapse into torrents of tears. They deserve better than what I am able to be. I am so damn sick of trying to make my life better, I have nothing left inside. I am no one to anyone....no one's daughter, no one's sibling, no one's mother, no one's partner, no one's close friend. I am treasured by no one. If anyone who happens to read this might feel obligated to try and say something in response please don't. There is nothing you can say. It is always possible that I might come out of this very dark place....as I have done so many times before....but each time my soul is more wounded and scarred, and worn out.