For the last few weeks I have been worrying about this. For my whole life I have felt like I was a lot less masculine than other boys. I have never been interested in any sports and I had no interest in cars. I also find that I have never liked action films or anything action themed. A lot of entertainment that is specifically aimed at a male audience I tend to have little interest. Throughout my life, I have only ever imagined myself as a female. In roleplaying games when I was a kid, I would always see myself as a female character. When I was about 5 years old, I went through a very short phase where I was upset that I was male. I rejected all my masculine toys and begged my parents to buy me girly things. From the age of about 15 onwards, I tried to make myself look more feminine. I grew long hair and became interested in cross-dressing. I also found myself becoming jealous of female traits that I wanted to possess. I realised as I got older that I enjoyed being sexually submissive. Although I have always been attracted to females, I developed a crush on a close male friend I had a while ago. I used to feel very attracted to him and saw him as being incredibly cute. I wanted to sleep with him and had this constant need to hug him and kiss him. He would wear really soft clothing which I loved. I ended up confiding in my only other close friend and told him all the details. He felt that a lot of things I said sounded like what a female would say. He said that the way I was speaking about it was not the way that most men would speak about it. I had this strange problem of feeling an intense need to hug the friend I had a crush on all the time. I felt so restless, I just had to hug him in a close and intimate way. My other friend told me that I was using him as a protective comforting figure. Recentl, I have started to cross dress completely privately and have not told anyone. I found that it made me feel so relieved. I feel like I want to cross dress in front of friends and get them to accept me as a female figure.
My Question - Does this mean anything? I don't I would ever seriously want to transition from male to female, but the fact that I feel so happy acting and dressing like one makes me feel confused.