Mouse, for a long time (years) I wrote my T letters and mailed them to her office between sessions. We usually didn't discuss the letters but they made me feel lots better because I knew she "knew" and that was comforting and I had worked out things in my head, and kept her up to date, etc. but my T complained like yours that I wasn't telling "her." I had dreams she would interpret as "secondhand" too, the material in them was "old" and "safe"/known before it would get to her. I didn't have to risk at all or be vulnerable.

Things changed dramatically when I did an experiment and decided to stop writing her letters. That put me only in contact with her when I was at sessions and literally in contact with her so I began to use my time much much better because I wanted her to know stuff and I wanted to be with her, etc. but because I put a ban on "cheating" and writing letters, I had to use the time during the sessions and be happy about it since it was all there was. It was like a literal "last day of your life what would you do?" scenario; I only had the session period of time, no head stuff counted and if I didn't tell her what I was thinking then it would get lost and she'd never know/wouldn't be "on the same page" as me anymore. It turned out to be very very exciting and well worth it.