It sounds like things are so bad for you at the moment that you need help to break the cycle. If you are this down all the time, are you on any medication for depression? If you are on medication, it doesn't seem to be working. Can you see someone about this and either get something prescribed or get a review of what you are on?

It is much much harder to change things through therapy, or even to see what is going on, without a little help to at least break the cycle that happens in a depressed brain: a sort of feedback loop, where emotions are not responding to what actually happens, but to what the brain is telling it, and the brain gets things wrong, because of the loop it is stuck in.