Grief, to me, is all consuming. People say it's a selfish process. I suppose it is. I am not the same person I was when all these people left me. in 2004, my grandfather died. In 2006, my grandmother followed. In 2011, my best friend left. In 2012, my Uncle saw his mother and father again. In 2013, my brother left this world. And with each of those deaths, a part of me went too.

Some days, I can smile. I can talk about them. Laugh. Remember how I loved them and how they loved me. I can hear their voices if I try. And sometimes, I feel like they were never here at all. I see pictures of me and my brother and realize we had a whole life. And that life is now gone. And he is gone too. I feel like I've lost a limb. Sometimes I forget he died and go to call him only to realize we shut his phone off.

Grief is an obstacle. You learn. You hurt. You beg. You accept. You beg some more. All I can tell those I've lost is they gave me the privilege to love them. And that brings me comfort.