I took my courage in both hands and tried to discuss with H what we were going to do today... we have to clean the house pretty thoroughly, in preparation for a guest who arrives this afternoon, and then H is having a bunch of people over to meet this guest tonight. (Nominally, it's both of us, but it's mostly H's friends, in reality.) H got kind of annoyed with me and thought I was trying to say I wanted to call the thing off. I don't, at all, but I do feel really stressed out when I feel that things are expected of me without knowing exactly what those things are. I mean, half an hour before people arrive, H is going to get pissed off with me for not doing something that he thought was completely obvious that it needed doing, like empty the dishwasher or something, which I might have thought he was doing or that it could wait until later, or that I'd simply forgotten about. And he knows that that's what will happen, only, for him it's not a problem that it does, as long as the end result is that I do what I'm supposed to. And then H is going into town to meet our guest at the train, and people are probably going to start arriving before they return. I hinted that perhaps we could ask people to come a little later, but that really made H annoyed, so I'll just have to deal as best I can. The people who are likely to arrive first is a couple with two very active children. So much for making the house look nice for our guest. Anyway, it was good that I brought this up. At least now I know what my main areas of responsibility are for cleaning - my study and the terrace - I can handle that.

When writing this I see how difficult I must be to live with. I wonder how H can stand it, at all. I don't make this much fuss normally, though.