You are not a failure. You are not a bad mother. Please don't be so hard on yourself.

I have a beautiful, spirited, extremely gifted eight year old daughter. My daughter does not have the same extreme sleep or bedtime issues that your daughter has (though there are some days when she has trouble with falling asleep and will push my patience to the limit). However, she does have her fair share of behavior and attitude issues that can really push me to my limits and leave me feeling like a horrible mom. And I know how frustrating and even shameful it can feel to feel like I've been a bad mom or made the worst parenting mistake ever, only to have other people insist on what a wonderful mom I am. I've tried to make true confessions to make them understand I'm not the great mom they think I am...they won't buy into it. Even after hearing me confess some of my worst parenting moments people who really know me and my daughter (including therapists or pdocs) insist I'm still a good mom.

So here are some things I've learned (though admittedly sometimes they're easier to say and believe when talking to someone else than to always believe about oneself)...

Parenting a gifted child is different and harder than many would assume. They have their own unique set of challenges. I love my daughter just the way she is but there's really not much about parenting her that is easy.

All parents will make mistakes or at the very least have moments they wish they had handled differently. This does not automatically make you a bad parent, it makes you human.

A truly bad parent would not be replaying the event over and over in their head, analyzing their every move to determine if and where they went wrong or how they could handle it differently next time. The fact that you are so bothered by your actions (which you said did not actually hurt her, just physically forced her into bed) shows you're not a bad parent. You might decide to put that on your mental list of not-your-finest-parenting-moments but it doesn't make you a bad mom. If that's the worst thing you ever have or ever will do, you're doing pretty good.

I get it...I am bipolar and have PTSD. I hate when I feel like my issues are getting in my way of being the parent I want to be. You can only do the best you can do in each individual moment. There will be things along the way that you wish you had handled differently...every good parent has those moments whether or not they have a mental illness. I think we have to try not to get hung up on the individual, isolated incidents but keep our eye on the big picture. How is your parenting and her childhood if you look at the overall, big picture instead of trying to tear yourself apart by isolating momentary weaknesses where no one was actually harmed?

I read a great, short blog post recently about keeping things in perspective as a parent. If I can find it I'll come back and post a link. In the meantime, try not to be so hard on yourself. And if you'd like to talk, because it sounds like we may have a lot in common, feel free to PM me.