The title sums it up. I never thought my life would turn out this way!I was laid of in October 2011.

I left with a good reference, but a termination is a termination. In retrospect I can see that I was so busy working and trying to make my client and company look good that I didn't pay attention to office politics or all of the other machinations going on around me. When the time came to explain the loss of the contract, I became the scapegoat; this besides having won individual and team (as team leader) awards for performance.

Since then I have been unemployed or severely underemployed. Right now I make about 1% (yes, one percent) of what I used to earn. My finances are a disaster. I went from a credit score in the 700s to one in the low 500s. I am within 30 days of having my house foreclosed upon. I have sold or surrendered anything I had that was of value.

Here is the great paradox I am facing: I haven't had full-time work in almost 2 years and as a result my finances are crap and all my money and resources have been exhausted. I know all it takes is one "yes" to get a job. Since I haven't been able to get the Yes, I would like to start my own home-based business. I'm so glad for social services; without them I would have been on the streets by now, but I want to make my own way. Because my finances are crap I am having a hard time getting even $1,000 loan to help me get started.

I know I'm not entitled to any loans or anything. It's just frustrating knowing that when I didn't need assistance banks, friends, employers, and people in general were only too happy to help. Now that I do need assistance, it's fee after fee, friends who've disappeared, and slammed door after slammed door. It's crazy, if I had had wealth because of inheritance, had no formal training in anything or experience, and a history of burning through money because of gambling, I still would have an easier time getting that $1,000 loan than I am now. Despite having

I know this is rambling. I have no one to talk to who can even begin to understand the level of humiliation, frustration, self-doubt, depression, fear, and anxiety that comes with long-term unemployment.

Thank you to those of you who have offered encouragement to others. Right now I don't need encouragement, or even a game plan. I know attitude and optimism are vital. If I weren't resilient and at least somewhat optimistic I never would have made it this far, considering everything that has happened these last 2 years.

I'm writing because I just need to know someone is out there who can relate