I can not find the words to express how much this post meant to me. I have not been on the site for a week or so. Today, my mother called me to say that my brother, also my abuser, was in town and that he was sick and was coming to her house. she lives next door to me. She also said that they we all to get together at my aunts house in a day or two. I simply said, not me. She said she thought I should. I said it isn't going to happen. She started crying. I said goodbye.
I simply can not feel for him the way she thinks I should. I can't understand how she can even ask me to. She knows what he did to me. She was there. She is the one who made me protect him for years and years. Not only that, he doesn't even care what he did to me. He made jokes about incest and laughed about what he did to me. I am so tired of it all. I'm tired of feeling guilty for feeling the way I do. I haven't asked my family to feel the same way I do. I haven't even asked them to listen to how I feel. I just ask that they respect my feelings. But they just can't do it. When I read the first paragraph of the meditations I knew I wasn't alone. It made me feel so much better. I even asked my husband to read it. He is very supportive and I am grateful for that. Thank you Sundance, thank you so much for posting this today.
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