Based on just the two things I would say its ocd. I would first focus on the guilt and stress you are creating. I swear the more you focus on it and stress the worse it will be to control. If you can not stop yourself from doing something, I would not consider that your fault. We can only do so much. I am on Zoloft, its one if the anti depressants that helps with ocd. Medicine is a help, but does not do it all. Go talk to you're doctor about what's going on what you're feeling. You don't have to get super specific, just the point across. He will have better info on what works best for you. I understand how you feel too and PC had been a lot of help for me