Wow. I don't even know where to begin. My normal mental state is that of numbness. It's almost surreal and I feel no connection to anyone or anything around me. Yet at the same time I'm so socially anxious it's crippling.

However, if I take a Xanax, suddenly EVERYTHING changes. My feeling of connection to society comes back, I begain enjoying the little things and suddenly I feel like a healthy, productive member of the human species.

I have a cousin who is prescribed them for social anxiety and he shares them with me every now and then. And when he does, it feels like I get 2 hours of feeling NORMAL and then boom, I'm back in my numb and anxious state.

The only reason I even could bring myself to make this post is because he gave me one about an hour ago. With Xanax, my mind can feel and articulate my internal suffering well. But without it, my mind is so flooded with anxiety I would never have the energy to post this.

Has anyone ever experienced something similar? Is there really hope? I'm in tears right now because the feeling I get from Xanax is so beautiful and NORMAL. I don't feel high or sedated, I feel like I'm a human being with all the rich and wonderful emotions and experiences that come along with being human.

Any insight would be appreciated.