Hey all -

I just need to write some stuff out, and could use some hugs.

Today was a rough session. I've been super anxious for the past few days, and have been in contact with T, but I was still very anxious at my appointment. I was just starting to feel relaxed by the end of the session when T asked me about a "homework" assignment she'd given me. It's some pages out of a workbook that she thought might be helpful for me to fill out. It's taken me 3 weeks to be at a point where I could do them, and I told T that I needed a full session to talk about it, so it needed to wait until next time. She asked me if I could just tell her how filling out the pages made me feel...and my anxiety skyrocketed. I know that wasn't her intention, but it was very frustrating to have the anxiety finally drop and then skyrocket right before the end of the session. I told T that we need to table that until next session, and she was fine with that. She asked me what I needed to release the anxiety that brought up and I told her I just needed to drop it. But, now, I can't drop it!!!! I know I'll probably have to journal more on this later before the anxiety will fade.

Also, T told me that my pdoc was in a serious accident on the 4th of July, and that she's not sure when he'll be back to his practice. At first, I was okay with it. I was sad that pdoc was so badly hurt, and a little worried because I really like my pdoc and don't want to have to find another one. I found out more info about his accident and his recovery, and now I'm feeling panicky about that! T told me because she didn't want me caught off guard if my appointment had to be rescheduled, or if I called pdoc's office for something. I appreciate her telling me, and I appreciate her telling me in session in case I needed to process feelings with her. The problem is, I was okay with it in session...worried for my pdoc and sad for him and the recovery he's going to have to go through...but it wasn't affecting me. Now, it's affecting me and I'm kind of freaking out a little bit.

Plus, T's laptop died, so she doesn't have access to email right now. It's our primary form of out of session contact and now if I need her for something, I'm going to have to text or call, which is just so much harder for me!!!!