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Perna said:
I don't know if there is "just" a panic attack. I've only ever had one panic attack in my life, I was sitting outside on my dorm steps on a lovely September, Fall day in college, no work was due yet for classes, no test coming up,. no "reason" at all for feeling as I did so I was able to ride it out and joke now that I've never had another panic attack because it "didn't work" I was able to look around me and see there was nothing wrong so "ignored" it and it went away within about 10 minutes.

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You may have something there. My hubby gets them sometimes but I was asking him last night about his because I had one last night. . . it had been building all day and finally I just "let" myself have one and get it over with, then I felt better. I asked him if he ever did that. He said he never anticipates one, and doesn't fear them. He had one a few days ago, took a Xanax, and went back to bed. I'm not sure that's the answer but me worrying about them isn't either.

As this week has progressed and talking to you guys I think I know what that one was about at counseling.

It was almost time to go when it started. And I was thinking if I was going to get my feelings out I'd better go ahead and do it because it was going to be time to leave. We were chatting and he asked me if I thought I'd cry all the way home like usual. I told him probably but I'd have to get it all out and get over it before I got home because I knew my husband was home freaking out and I needed to get back to work on our business. He had originally told me he'd man the online store while I was gone but was having a bad day.

So, I think now that I look at all this, I was just so frustrated thinking about being able to open up and have my feelings in with my counselor, but not feeling like I could do it any other time. I guess I was having my own little pity party.

Then as the week has gone on I've got more and more angry at my husband for not working right now, because he can't find a job. . .plus he's depressed and has been suicidal and then getting better but still not working with me.

Finally last night the anger brewing gave me another panic attack and a restless night until I talked to him about it this morning and apologized for some of the things I said to him.

On one hand he does need to get himself moving, but on the other hand me getting mad at him isn't going to do it.

As for the counseling, I hate that I can only go in there, let down my defenses and let all my emotions come up, then have to leave and try to buckle them all down again and get back to being the emotional support for my family. It's hard!

I just want to be the weak one for awhile, and have someone take care of me for a change. (((pout))) LOL