baker I hope you are doing well physically and emotionally. I think you are so very gracious and strong in accepting these last responses from riot, Bonnie, & healing. I can tell you it would have ... well actually it has scared me off. Although I had not yet been comfortable enough to open up and seek at least some compassion from others here, I was feeling it was a safe place to do so without being scolded for not jumping up and "fixing" myself. If they don't like 18 pages why do they bother to come back just go to another thread. I think going back as you said and rereading what others have said can be helpful. You are in a different frame of mind each time you read something and are able to think about what has been said or suggested to sort out what might work for you. I applaud you for just being able to get it out here, even rereading your own words can be helpful I would think. Take care of yourself, my prayers are with you.