LMM: you had a bad experience with the bf who threatened you, and that experience established a really low baseline against which most people would look pretty darn perfect. You realize that, right? Your relationship, per the more verbose explanation, is certainly not shallow (I actually did not suggest that, but I read through all the posts and it was suggested). You are not singling out the bf when you "put him up" - you "put everybody around you up as well". So he is not the culprit. However, to the extent that you have a GENERAL tendency to put others up, this BF is an extreme example of your general tendency. So no, he is not the culprit, but he seems to be - currently - the locus of your general tendency. The general tendency is then the culprit. And it seems that the general tendency to extol others and put yourself down goes back in time roughly as much as your experiencing the mental pain of BDD goes back in time. Does it capture the situation?

In terms of simply stopping to think the thoughts you are thinking - I was not suggesting that you stop thinking the BDD thoughts about YOU. I was suggesting you stop extolling and idolizing OTHERS. And then, hopefully, getting a grip on BDD, but no, not stopping to think bad thoughts about yourself - I realize it is not possible. Can you work on lessening the idolization? Or not? Is idolization a necessary component of falling in love?