I simply don't understand your T. It seems she has a pattern of trying to run your life and make your decisions for you, rather than explore your decisions and support you in making your choices--whether she agrees with them or not.

She also has very odd boundaries with you, her treating you as a friend, a potential colleague, a daughter, etc.

The two together seem very off to me. When she says right well we have done enough work on your mom there is nothing more we can do about it. I can't help but hear this as cutting off exploration, and in a way, punishing you. A kind of--well, you won't see reason, so I'm not going to waste my time.

There was a time when I was dead broke, getting my rent money from my father which complicated the whole abuse history, enmeshment, and power/control issue between us. So I took a job that I was scared to take, and certainly not one in a field I wanted, simply because it involved a paid training period for the first 2 months. I couldn't see any other way out.

Of course, I discussed it with my T, and he explored the idea with me, helping me to imagine what the near future would look like--very neutrally. He told me years later, long after I couldn't make the job work (it involved direct sales and the pressure and rejection was crushing to me at the time), that he had thought I never should have taken the job to begin with. I was exasperated, and I asked him why the **** he hadn't told me that???? He said it wasn't his place to tell me what to do, but to make sure my decision was as enlightened as possible, and then to support me in its execution as best he could.

In other words, he respected me as an adult. Your T doesn't seem to see you as an adult. If she doesn't, how can you get confidence in yourself as an adult?