This topic is safe for me, I think! My new DBT T is totally different from my other one. She actually comments on our behavior, in a non-threatening way. I really like her.

Today, for various reasons no one did the homework (if you know DBT it was on "DEARMAN" and "GIVE"). It's the first time I haven't done it, but I really had no time this week to think about DBT! So, DBT T said we'd have a group discussion instead.

It was supposed to start after our 10 minute break. During the break, I got upset due to a phone conversation. When it was my turn to talk, I said I'm not sure if DEARMAN applied. It's about how to ask for what you want. What I want is to feel okay that I'm not doing what the other grandma is doing. I don't feel comfortable driving on the highway so I can't go back and forth to the hospital. I feel terrible about not helping my daughter enough. DBT leader asked what I wanted, and she said it sounds like an "inside" problem; it wasn't about what I wanted to ask for. I said "I know". I just don't want to feel inadequate. But I realized that her son is just as important as my daughter, and it's not a competition.

I almost cried and the co-leader even got me the box of tissues. But I didn't cry. I was close, though.

This isn't about the situation though I know I have to work on how to feel I'm a "good enough" mother. My daughter doesn't complain; it's my impression about it. It's really about how I'm closer to crying with other people than ever before! That's a goal for me. I'm not hiding my feelings so much.

I almost cried in therapy too, and my T noticed. It was when she said I "could have said no" and asked how I felt when I visualized saying it. This wasn't about abuse, but it felt like it to me.

It means something to me that I'm able to come close to letting my feelings out through tears!