I guess alot of you are right...but i cant help but feel guilty for alot of what ive done. In the stream i had stupid lies and moments where i would act immature to make her jealous....im a slacker and i honestly feel that i can live a more productive and successful life.

I also always felt that she had the right idea for the future, getting out of miami and leaving this stupid city... I wanted the same- i just was to afraid to make the leap to independence with her, since i havent moved out myself...and im 26.... I havent had the confidence in myself.

That makes me all regret it and myself so much, ive been depressive and suicidal because of this...

my mind tells me that she was right all along, and i made the biggest mistake by being this immature idiot. I imagine her with another guy who has it all together all the time and i just get so hard on myself because i simply lost the girl of my dreams....

...Im a weird Aquarius and so is she...i just never have felt the way i do about a girl like i do with her... i look at her and she makes my motor skills drop lol.... shes really what i want.

but like i said and have told myself a million times.... i ****ed up- i should've walked away a long time ago to really mature and win this the right way but i never did- because i was immature.

...im persistent though...but i just think trying now is only making me look more like a idiot and less like a man. Thats why changing seems like the only solution... Im personally tired with how i havent seemed to amount to anything, (currently a web developer that doesn't save much money cause i smoke too much pot) and on top of basically hating myself i hate that i lost K. (her)

If you want it go for it they say....maybe ive just been going about it the wrong way