Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
I thought you were going to write that your writing here is like your speech; I kind of equate writing a lot or posting often with "fast" and a non-directive story (I don't get a sense of your wanting anything in particular from an response) as being "soft".
I enjoy reading your posts, Rainbow, they are diverse and give me many ideas and thoughts about myself. But, the number of posts sometimes feels a bit overwhelming to me, like I cannot keep up (fast?). Too, looking at this post, you tell a story of what your Ts are telling you and then give some observations of what you feel might be causing your actions but as a reader, I'm wondering, "What would she like from me, why is she telling me this?" (too soft in asking me for what you want).
I have seen in other posts of yours that they range over a broad area in responses and many of the responses get just a "thanks" or "no, not it" and others get a warmer, "yes, that's it" response but it feels hit or miss to me and I feel anxious that there is something I don't get or understand about how to respond to you. Rather than feel anxious, I chicken out and just don't respond sometimes.
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It's okay that you don't always respond to me. I think in these last two threads I just wanted to share something I learned from my DBT T, and how I'm pleased that I came close to crying in DBT and in therapy. I'm not pleased about needing to cry about something, but it's not something terrible like someone dying, so I can allow myself to feel good about it. I hope that makes sense. Crying is a release, but I've yet to feel that release in therapy.
My former T told me that there's a small margin of space where her response feels good to me, rather than disappointing. So it's not just you. I don't know if it's hit or miss, but I'm not sure how to say what I want. The closest I can come to it is that I would like validation, and to know that I'm being heard. But at the same time, I feel ashamed of wanting all of that attention here. It's another problem of black and white thinking on my part. I am always trying to find the middle ground. My other DBT leader, when she left, told me to keep trying to stay on the "middle path".
I don't care if I get a lot of feedback to this thread. The one about T and lies is a different story. I think Peaches was correct in saying that I post when I'm confused about my session, or something about my T, and then when I get feedback, I figure it out for myself and come to my own conclusions. Something like that, anyway.
I'm also never sure if you or anyone even wants to hear when I disagree with the advice I get. I wonder if it's just best to say "thank you" to everyone and leave it at that. But that's hard for me to do. Maybe that's for a new thread but not today!