I lived with a PA H for 33 years under the same roof. I didn't realize what it was until a few years ago when the came on & I realized that was the hell I had been living in for so long.

I read something at the time however that they actually took the PA DX out of the DSM because everyone has some bit of PA behavior at some time in their lives.....which I definitely can see....it's just serious when almost every behavior is PA in the relationship.

MY stbxh (personality is exactly why I knew even before I married him I didn't want to & now 38 years later....I left 6 years ago....I left him for exactly the same reasons I didn't want to marry him in the first place.....serious personality issues) His major irritation was that he wouldn't discuss anything with anyone.....& he would graciously agree to do whatever they asked & turn around & NEVER do it. Everyone always sees him as mister nice guy because he's always so very aggreable.....then when he doesn't do the things he said he was going to do, he always has the best excuses for NOT doing them.....never can admit that he wasn't going to do them in the first place.

When we were taking classes together......he actually sabotaged me in one of the classes because I was putting more work into the final project than he wanted to. I had asked him to get the location of some information. Being on disability, they had some testing I could do to determine if they would help pay for me to get training(education) to help get me off of disability.....so it was going to help US financially. Needless to say....he didn't lift a finger to get any information while I was working hard on the testing.

My favorite example was with the IRS.....I had just left to purchase my farm in KY...but we hadn't discussed actually splitting up after those 33 years......the IRS sent a letter just at that time regarding some back tax problems with MY INHERITANCE money...a messup that he had made 2 years earlier. He never said anything to me about the letter & he never even called the IRS to find out what the problem was really about.

I confronted him about his passive aggressive behavior after I left him.....this was a really good site where I got a lot of really good information....it also validated me in why I had such a difficult time in the marriage & that IT wasn't ALL my fault
Eliminating Passive Aggressiveness | LIVESTRONG.COM