I'm not going to lie. After a week of feeling just "iffy" with a dash of hypomania over the last few days (which in fairness kind of accelerated at a massive rate over the last 24 hours) I was literally shaking ALL day. Like literally. It was just damn embarrassing. I felt like I was keeping it under wraps *decently* well, but I kind of sit in the middle of people. And it was a Friday so people were all up in my business. I tried to get up and walk around as much as I could. I think I ended up taking a bathroom break about every 15 or 20 minutes or so.

I had called my pdoc on Tuesday the first time it happened. He upped my lamictal from 100 to 150 and told me to see him in a week. Because he's pretty much useless.

Anyway, when I got home after work it was just a HUGE spiral into a great wide world of suck. The trigger was stupid. Like beyond stupid. But after like 3 days of impending breakdown it just wasn't happening.

I couldn't stop crying. Literally to save my life. And my daughter was in the room too. Making me feel awful. At one point my husband had his keys out and he was ready to take me to the hospital it was that bad. I was just shaking and crying but kind of felt dead inside at the very same time. I told him that I didn't want to be here anymore. I don't think I meant to say it... the words just kind of fell out of my mouth. I completely lost control.

At the very least I'm glad that my daughter's only 2 and probably won't remember the day her mommy had a nervous breakdown.