We can't judge what has gone on & what is going on in the marriage....with every wronged marriage there are 2 sides......she may looked spoiled because he does so much for her......people could have said the same about my marriage....but the reason I quit doing anything was because of the attitude my H had taken on & it was my only way of fighting back. There is no way for us to tell completely all that has gone on or even maybe some little actions that have caused the marriage to be the way it looks from the outside.

My H took care of our daughter while I was finishing my degree & we both ended up aerospace firmware design engineers.....why....because when I ended up pregnant after we got married & I had stated before I got married that I was NOT going to give up my degree of put it on hold for anything....the first thing he said when I ended up pregnant was that I could take a couple of years off of college to take care of the baby. Every view he had in the marriage was 180 from what I had made clear that wasn't acceptable to me or I wasn't interested in getting married....& he agreed before we got married.....they after....it was a whole other way he was trying to force me into doing......our marriage started off feeling like I had to fight for everything that I valued in my life & he was trying to take everything away. All the things that no one outside of the marriage ever saw....but made the marriage what it was......a Husband who was the one caring for our child.

Not seeing the whole picture of your marriage haunted, it's difficult to really say what's going on with her.....I know for me, it wasn't until I left my H after 33 years of living under the same roof that I realized just how bad the marriage was & remembered back to the beginning & realized that the problems really started before we got married.....but in the reality of the marriage....no one was able to put their fingers on it....sort of like not being able to see the forest for the trees.

It was amazing to me all that came back to me when I was able to get away from the issues & the anger that had built up over all those years & even with all the therapy I had after loosing my career which I hadn't realized was my escape from the bad marriage....no one understood my suicide attempts, not even myself & how it was a side effect more of being trapped in the bad marriage with no way out.....than it was my loss of my career.

Haunted, your wife may not even really know what all is bothering her...& who knows, it might have started even before those 5 years ago & at this point, she's not even aware f it. Life & the mind aren't always as clear as we would like it to be.

I have to say personally take a bit of a different view on your cross dressing however I'm still proud of you for going to the priest & confessing it.....& whether others believe it of not, I do believe that was the right thing to do in relation to God's forgiveness....while at the same time, we as humans need to hold the same forgiveness to let those things go......maybe asking for forgiveness for having not said been open & honest might have also been a part of your wife's issues....I know that my stbxh would always say nothing & think that it wasn't lying by saying nothing.....but lying & saying nothing when you know that it's something that needs to be open & honest about which is EVERYTHING in a marriage.......it might be more about the lack of openness & honesty & lack of willingness to communicate the truth at the beginning that has become the underlying unstable foundation in your marriage....which she can see was something that was there even before your marriage when you said nothing then for fear it might cause a problem......the problem with that thinking is that if it was going to be a problem then it might as well be known at the beginning so the marriage isn't based on information withheld.....I know for me that would really be the big thing in a marriage & has turned out to be a serious thing because I found out that my stbxh was constantly hiding information. Not only that but my stbxh could never admit that he didn't know something. He would always give you an answer no matter how wrong it really was because in his own mind he believed he was right. He would get away with it with others because no one ever wanted to really confront him on it bit after living around that for 33 years....there comes a point where there can no longer be tolerance.

The last 13 years of those 33 years were lived under the same roof, but in different areas of the house because financially there was no way to get out of a house that wasn't worth as much as we had paid for it & his financial irresponsibility had landed a huge amount of liens on the house. No outside of us knew all this was going on.....but through it all he looked like the nice guy.

I felt like I was fighting just to protect myself....outside, it looked like I was just being a horrible wife who was treating her H horrible.....it was almost impossible to put all the pieces together while I was still living in that environment....it wasn't until I left & over the past 6 years that I have been able to put the pieces together & realize the reality of what was actually going on in that marriage.

Sometimes we don't even know or are able to see what's happening while we are existing in the middle of it which is why separating & really getting away, not just existing under the same roof.....is the best possible idea.

Absense doesn't always make the heart grow fonder if the heart wasn't feeling anything in the first place from the beginning....but if there are or really have been feelings, then it's good to get the distance & be able to put the proper perspective on the emotions which is done easier from a distance.

I wish you the best with what you are going through....I know it's a struggle, but the big picture will help make the whole situation more clear