I lived with my parents just about all my life. I'm almost 50. I have schizoaffective d/o & am not able to be around people much... it makes my sx's worse. My mom died 2 years ago; I was already going downhill from taking care of her. Monday, I heard my dad hit the floor & ran out to find him unresponsive & not breathing. After rubbing my knuckles in to his chest, he started breathing again. I called 911. After hanging up with them, he stopped breathing again so I started CPR & continued until the paramedics came. He was pronounced dead at the hospital. My brothers (and the family of the married one) drove here from out of state. They left the next day, except one brother, who stayed another day. I've been in touch with my P-doc & T, the former suggested I add some diazepam & the latter has talked to me a couple of times & made sure I could contact him whenever I need to & will see me Monday. I'm trying to stay together, but am spiralling. Unbeknownst to me, my brother authorized an obit in the local paper, which freaked me out when I saw it; it made things more real. I'm worried that people will see the obit & want to stop by. An aunt & uncle (my mom's side) said they will be here as soon as they get back from a trip. I am so anxious at the thought of my space being invaded. I live in a fairly remote & untamed area. I'm also worried that my elderly dog & I will have to leave this sanctuary because of the will. My brother says I will have to sign away my right to inherit. And the partial benefits I get from medicaid may be affected adversely. I keep forgetting my dad is dead. I try not to look where he fell, all the while thinking that I should be quiet because he's asleep in his bedroom. I'm at such a loss. It feels like part of me is just gone. I feel like a drain on the system & the family. If I'd been a better daughter, maybe my parents would have found reasons to live. Sometimes, I think my mom faked her death just to get away from me. I'm having a hard time finding a reason to go on. I was already doing badly before my dad died. I have no one to care for my dog, so I can't go to the hospital. We've only been apart one night since I adopted him 12 years ago. I'm so lost and afraid. I have several other health issues that aren't being helped by this stress. I keep the TV running most of my waking time, as a distraction. The dog is the only reason I get out of bed. These aren't the only losses I've had recently, they are the most significant. I'm sorry this is so long and disjointed. My mind is disjointed.