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I totally get arguing with the T about whether "she is there" like she says and what it means. I had the same argument/discussion with my T. alhtough I do know that if I were in trouble, he would make arrangements so I could see or talk to him, so that sort of counts.
And cross for minor errors makes sense to me too. Sometimes I get angry for being too attached!
And I get wanting to create some distance after doing deeper work - either that or some evidence of real connection. Something so I wasn't afraid about what I'd just revealed.
Brainstorming:
I wonder if writing to T during your regular hour while she is away would help? You could choose to show them to her are not. I do that sometimes.
Is there someone you could see while she is gone?
Do you have a someone you can call if start getting scared? or a hotline number where there are trained people?
Going a whole month sounds hard!! My T tells me to remember to breathe when things get hard. I keep forgetting, but it really does help!
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