Well I feel like I just caused my own hurt....was sitting talking to T when all of a sudden I said it scares me the thought that she ....T might sit there every week...but really not want to be there...

With that T said that if that happened then it would be part of the work....my heart stopped!....that wasn't the reply I was expecting at ALL!....

In my mind part of the "fantasy" was I suppose....that t would say how much she loved me and enjoyed being there.....at this point of typing this post I am actually laughing....I can't believe how imature I still am LOL...but anyways this hurt me to hear this reply....I could feel myself fogging out....

.t kept asking what was going on?....I couldn't reply....I was trying to round my "insiders" up to help me....I felt like my life was slipping away....the worse happened....in my head it appears *sigh*....T had said she didn't want to be with me anymore!......eventually I couldnt hold the tears in and cried and told her how it was for me...how my head was telling me she had said she didn't want to be with me....

T said that was because that was what I was expecting....yes that fits the bill quite well....I expect that from everybody in my life....its like I'm just waiting for them to tell me they don't want to be with me anymore.....

She did mention how when I first came into the session today I had said how I had mixed feelings about being there....that I did and didn't want to be there and perhaps I had projected the not wanting to be there because it was easier for me not to have to hold onto too conflicting feelings....

But what I don't get is why can't I cope with having oppersite feelings about stuff...why would wanting to be there...and not wanting to be there cause me so much confusion?...

I have calmed down since this mornings session and am willing to get straight back into the topic at my next session...as I've opened a door that I just can't close now....

Any thoughts on this anyone?