why do i??? UGHHHHHHHHH. i thought this would be a great summer and it has been i love the kids but dang, every night i sit in my room and i think what could i have done better? how can i help these kids more? i can i help S more? What have i done this time that he won't talk to me.
all i feel like is that i am letting people down that i am not doing my best but i am im trying so hard. trying so hard that its wearing me down but i can't stop i have to keep going. i can't let anyone down: my family, friends, the kids i work with, the program i work for. but i think most of all i don't want to let myself down. All i want is for everything to go away no, i dont know what i want. ughh i feel so stupid and child like complaining like this but its so hard. i know life is supposed to be hard but d*** does it have to be this hard???
My friends are dropping out of school, getting majorly into drugs and drinking. And i feel like i can't do anything. I have tried talking to her but she just doesn't listen. I hate to see her lose her life like this and that is what shes doing!! She told me the other day that she thinks she might be pregnant. I was about to freak out if she has a kid its going to have so many problems cause she has been stoned almost everynight for the past month. I feel like calling her parents and telling them whats going on that J needs help, but i don't want her to be mad at me, but i would rather her hate me for the rest of her life then for her not to have a life at all!!! Oh and S is mad at me again i don't know what i did this time but i feel like i can't do anything around him. I don't want to lose him i really don't but it drives me CRAZY to just sit and do nothing around him. I feel like i have to be the person that he always comes too (Which i am and i don't mind) but i have no one to go to cause i cant go to him cause i don't want to make things worse for him.

well now that i am in tears in the school computer lab, i think i am going to stop writting thanks for listening everyone, i hope i didn't waste anyones time. Im sorry for the first post that i have written in a while to be this one. im sorry.
andrea

<font color=red> It's hard being a snowflake in a world of Cheerios!</font color=red>