......how strange....the first question that came into my mind was....he tells you after 8 years?......maybe he didn't really have an affair....maybe he's just saying that as he knew it would upset you & then maybe you would be the one to end the marriage if that's what he may be really wanting.

Why do I say this?????.....guess it came from a guy I dated in college, nothing serious...just an acquaintance. I was talking to him about how guys deal with relationships....his comment.....a lot of guys do something or say something that will make the woman want to end the relationship so they don't have to do it & end up with the emotional mess that causes.

It does seem strange that he doesn't want to talk about it.....but then if it's anything like my stbxh....he would never talk about anything he did either let alone how to go forward from a serious problem....he would rather stick his head in the sand & ignore anything around him is happening & wonder why people would kick his rear end that's still sticking out of the sand.....& claim ignorance to everything to avoide any responsibility.

He may be just giving you the cooling off period & figuring that you will talk to him when you are ready & have processed the situation to your satisfaction on your own & the rest of the processing will have to be done together.

It's hard to say what he's really thinking since there are quite a few senario possibilities I can see might be going on here.....it's best to NEVER ASSUME.....& when you have processed the situation & know what you want & need to proceed from there.....then you need to go & talk & get all your assumptions & questions at least asked.....if it's like my stbxh...his answer was always "I don't know" especially if it came to anything he had thought or had done & you can forget emotions they didn't exist in his brain.

One can only resolve issues through communication. Being away is just a chance to cool down & sort through your thoughts & gather your feelings & emotions together & make what you think would be your game plan for the future.......then you come back & say.....this is where I'm coming from......& hopefully this isn't his sneeky way of getting you to end the marriage????