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mouse_ said:
But what I don't get is why can't I cope with having oppersite feelings about stuff...why would wanting to be there...and not wanting to be there cause me so much confusion?...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> But Mouse, look at how far you've come and how you ARE coping with this!!!! You wouldn't have thought, much less expressed what you did today. Now you have a very distinct feeling state you can "remember" (wanting to go to/be in therapy as well as not wanting to go/be there at the same time) and you can trot out the memory of today and compare it with other feeling states of yours and other people's. Feelings are very slightly less confusing/a mess and more distinct instead of just being featureless. You should feel very proud of yourself, you done good!

I do two things when I get surprised/scared in therapy like that, (1) remind myself that what my T thinks/feels is not why I am in therapy, I'm in therapy to learn about myself and "do the work" and (2) I go over my T's words and find the "truth"/comfort in them that I want. Your T said, "if that happens. . ." I would have grabbed the "if" and realized that it has not/is not happening at this time. Then I use my good logic and do the math :-) It is not happening so its "opposite" is happening, my T does want to be there today/now. It's all right to let my heart sing, my T does want to be with me here, now, in this confusing/hurtful mess and help me through it. My T must really like/love me!