I managed to get through an intense suicidal/self harm episode without going to the hospital or seriously hurting myself ( I only SIed twice). Progress has been made.

I think I have my will to fight back. Start fresh in DBT Monday. Distress tolerance is next up.

Pdoc is changing all my meds to less expensive ones. We'll see how it goes. I'm still what I would consider mixed because I can't sleep and feel restless and irritable but I also feel depressed. But I'm trying and that's what counts, right? You gotta get up and try, try, try.

I heard a beautiful song called beautiful by p.o.d. And it saved my life I think. I was ready to give up but then I happened to hear this song for the first time on a podcast. It came at just the right time.

I wish I could drink tonight but then I might lose my inhibition and SI. See! Progress!

I wish my head would slow down though. I guess breathing mindfully is in order though I could keep writing forever. Thanks everyone for your support as always.