Perna, thank you for your story. I'm sorry for you losing your mother so early, and then the abusive step-mother.
The move I had when I was six was my first and only move, it was an hour away from my best friend (who I was raised basically like a sister). I know I never wanted to fit into the community, all throughout school, so I must have been pretty angry. It just seems like I have a lot of "feeling" memories, but no solid ones to back it up.
I'm not sure if I could talk to anyone in the family. I would hate for them to think I was talking about being abused. We were at a baby shower recently where my cousin who was babysat by my mother was. She kept saying "jokes" like "isn't there a whip in that present from her" and stuff like that. I had bad nightmares when I go back from that shower, ones that didn't make sense but where in the past and I felt really ashamed and lost.
I don't know. I guess I want to remember if it would help me heal. I have so much "baggage" that seems to stem from childhood. I remember having suicidal thinking at age 12. Before that, the memories I have are of being very alone, all by myself. I had a great imagination that took me away from my house, so that's how I managed I guess. When I think back to my inner "little girl" I get very strong feelings of sadness, and I know she was sad.
Thanks for helping me sort through some of my thoughts.
HUGS!