I feel like I just can't get it together today. I keep crying. I cry for a few minutes, straighten up, start doing things that I need to do and then all of the sudden a wave hits and I'm crying again. I feel overwhelmed with taking care and getting used to my father's past. and then just dealing with my husband on a regular basis. I was suppose to get away on Saturday - I had my father arranged with to go with my brother and my husband was going to stay home. Well I got ready to go and my husband starting crying he wanted to go with me - I was just going on a day out to be alone without anyone that I had to be responsible for or to. I just wanted a little time for me. Now today I know that I can't get that until at least Sat or Sun becuase of work and daily routines and responsibilities and I guess I'm just really frustrated by it. I was looking forward to having a day to myself we had agreed on 4-6 hours out - I could go where ever I wanted the park and sit or window shop or just drive around alone. I feel really taken advantage of because we agreed that I could have this time and then he took it away and I know I can't get it back. I don't think they (husband/dad) realize what a strain it is to take care of them. My emotions are raw - My son who left for South Korea in late November has only emailed once, and I really would like to hear where he is and how he is doing and know what is happening with his new life, but I don't have an address/city/phone # or anything - today I feel so upset with everything I think he doesn't want me to contact him because everything that is happening here is too depressing for normal people to be able to deal with - so it is easier if he doesn't tell me - maybe I'm just being paranoid because I would like to be able to run away and not tell any one where I was or how to get a hold of me (that does sound good). I just feel drained. My eyes hurt from crying, I feel like I could eat everything in the house and somehow through all of this I am expected to concentrate and work at my job, so I can earn money to take care of the people who (at least at this moment) don't seem to be willing to let me take care of me. Well thinking of running away and not telling any one how to get a hold of me - that makes me feel some better just a wild dream but at least I feel a little lighter now.