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Clearly she has it the worst.
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I grew up where I always thought and was told-- "they got it worse, have it worse" basically what am I whining about... It invalidates one to think this way with their own emotions and pain and feelings. It is not healthy (for most i don't think imo). I don't think there is a "scale" for one's pain of who has it worse- we each have own,... You are very considerate person for thinking your pain is less, but in the end-- who is to decide that- your pain is your pain, and it means a great deal and should be noted.
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It's like she is mad at me and my sister sometimes because we're living, and she knows how she is coming off because she constantly asks "Am I still a good mother?"
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Going through grief and with a suicide, is very difficult. It is hard to understand- if ever understanding is grasp for some.
's it is misdirected anger towards you and your sister. (as you probably already know) but I am sorry you are having to go through this
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I cant be the god damn savior of everyone anymore. Especially when no one cares about me in return. It's too much.
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Care for self first
's I Know It is hard when you are put in the position and have been given the title of a care giver in any fashion. But at the same time-- we all can not save everyone-- some times people do need to save themselves.... I am not sure what the full story is but some times with others, leaning too much on one person- is not good for that person even. and it is very heavy on the one that is being leaned on with no one for themselves to lean on.
I remember one time i was told when struggling with coping with my brother's issue-
When people are in an airplane - what do they say first to the adults with children--- For the Adult to put on the air mask first, then to help the child---- The adult is no help if they don't help themselves first....
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I don't know if any of this helps but I hope you well and many well thoughts your way
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