I'm 33 and still living with my parents. I'd love to move out, but my mother is clinging to me like her life depended on it!

The problem is the disabilities in our family -- my sister is autistic (she's 25 but has the mind of a 6-year old) and my dad had a brain haemorrhage in January last year, and now suffers from hemianopia and aphasia (as well as having a very poor short-term memory). Both my dad and my sister also have epilepsy, and I'm now the only driver in the house (my mother has never even taken any driving lessons, as she expects that she'd never be able to pass a test due to her anxiety) and the others in the family also depend on my for any technical help (not just with computers, but with most other electronic devices).

Also, my dad hasn't worked for 20 years before the stroke (preferring to live off my sister's disability money) which understandably makes my mother feel a great deal of resentment towards him.

I had a look at a flat to rent that seemed reasonable back in April, but before I could sign a lease my mother found out (she noticed that my bank documents were missing) and she was absolutely livid with me! I got an angry phone call almost as soon as I arrived at work that morning, and was so shaken up I forgot to eat lunch that day!

We're living in a former colliery village in northeast England (population c. 2000) and she claimed that only two men in the entire village had moved out of their parents' house in order to live alone, and those had only done it in order to allow their aging parents to move into a bungalow. She brought up multiple examples from the village of men in their 40s or even 50s who were still living with their parents, while shaming me with talk of how dutiful they were to them. She also said "it's a good thing your grandparents didn't live to see you pulling this on us."

I did tell her a bit about the flat I'd been contemplating, and she said "you want to live in a flat? What if the person below you had been playing loud music all night? And these day, if you complained about the noise he'd probably stick a knife in you!" I replied "mam, you always think in terms of worst-case scenarios" to which she replied that her motto was "no use crying after the event". She also claimed that my estimated expenses for independent living were way too low.

She said I should be thinking in terms of buying a house not renting a flat, but I don't want to buy yet as it would lock me in place and perhaps make it harder for me to move to another part of the country (such as to take a higher-paid job). Also, I don't think a single person (or even a childless couple) needs a whole house -- I thought houses were more for families with children...

She ended up crying about how I'd "destroyed her" and "you do know you're sister is crying worrying about you if you're so much as five minutes late back from work. What would it do to her if you left home altogether? And she couldn't have her laptop or iPad anymore if you weren't here, and don't say you'd pay for the internet access anyway. Who of us could keep it running?"

Later on, on her birthday (always a fraught day for her, as she shared that birthday with her own late and beloved mother) she said that if I left home I might as well stick a knife in her before I left, as she'd kill herself if left alone with my dad!

I feel especially depressed in the summer (we're actually getting a proper summer this year here, unlike last year) because that's when the pretty dresses come out to play, and I'm fearful I may never be able to have a girlfriend due to being imprisoned in this screwed-up family.

How can I get a life of my own without driving my mother to suicide?