What does your T say about it? I don't know if you are depressed or anxious or why you "enjoy" making the lists and they sometimes help. But that you label it a "game" makes me think it is not so much about suicide as trying to communicate something when you do not have the right words. I would try to figure out for myself just why you gave the game the form you did and what the symbolism is (kind of like looking at dreams you have). I would try substituting other words for "suicide" and see if any of them fit as well ("anxiety", "comfort", "anger", "grounding", etc.)