Well... turning 21 next week... great. I can't stand birthdays. Every year I loathe the day. I feel like I have to put on a display that I am happy and for the whole day just have to pretend. Personally I don't like all the attention. It feels to my like everyone is just monitoring me to see if I'm happy or not. To me it will feel like just any other day. But there is just all that pressure: It's your birthday!! Only once a year!! What are you gonna do today??!! I don't know!! I never know what to do! I haven't had a party since I was like 10. I think that was my last actual party. Everyone in college I know always has huge parties with tons of friends for their birthdays, especially their 21st. Thing is, I don't have that many friends. Not saying that's bad, but I just couldn't fill a party with people is all. My friends are all spread out across the state, and calling them all to join me on that day would just be too much to ask. Plus, my friends are just from different groups. I have different friends groups, like people in my band, my middle school friends, high school friends, study friends from college and all that. no simple just FRIEND GROUP that I could just invite. I'd feel so weird just inviting individuals from each group who I feel really wouldn't mesh well. Like it would be ok, but it would just be kinda uncomfortably awkward if you know what I mean.

The only reason I only ever try to have a party for my birthday is just for my parents, because I know they feel they should give on to me, and they want to. they want me to be happy on my birthday and to celebrate, it's just that it is so frustrating for me, because I always go through so much stress trying to think of who to invite. Plus my dad is always bugging me about why I never have girls at my birthday. I just don't know any girls to invite!! ugh... birthday's in a week...