((ladygunn3r)) I relate to a lot of what you have said here. I haven't had sex for 10-11 yrs, never married & my assault memories etc were only ID'd as PTSD 2 yrs ago. I was protecting myself in other ways and blocking the memories. In regards to 'batting for the other team' - I seriously allowed myself to consider that. I have several friends who do. I let myself think I was..but saw a guy I was attracted to the same day!! That ended that idea..I had never really felt attracted to a woman- that way.
My t who gently allowed me to explore these memories told me not to dig them up. She taught me grounding techniques, how to get back in the moment if I started to disassociate..and to do lots of self care. I tried to only let them come when I was safe with her. She had to leave - I am trying to find another 'specialist' My Psych doctor tries hard..but I don't think he knows lots...Be good to YOU - You are the most important person in your healing!! I hope what I shared helps you some.