To outNabout and Undergroud: I hear you underground. It's hard for you to see reality as we "N's do. What we go through is so very painful and we keep believing that what NPD people do can be changed. We tell ourselves, "If only..." and then add "if only I would be, do, say something different he/she would feel my feelings, treat me kind, be faithful, stop yelling, think of me...and it goes on. But then the "NPD's" can't see that. They see that they give so much and ask, "Why don't they get it? Why do they say that the things we are saying are absurd, after all I have given so much of myself. The world doesn't understand that I am right, that I am just trying to make my point and that I'm not raging, that I really do care but can't I share my life (of course with not inquiring about the 'N's", ever), why should I have to apologize, it was their fault anyway!" and so it goes on and it's so much a delusion. I can say that. I have loved a man for 8 years who until two weeks ago I found out he had an entire second life. Without a blink he'd jump from one bed to another, having a separate groups of friends he'd hide from me and the other girl, take long vacations with each of us telling the other he was alone, send us identical texts, look to both of us for our support, rage at both of us, tell us both he loved us only and more than anyone in the whorld. Any challenge to his beliefs or opinions or any hint that he was maybe having an affair as met with big drama and rage. So I get it outNabout. Its' terrible painful. AND it's so hard to stay away and resist staying in the relationship or when finally parted, get back in touch. They'll find a way to get us back. A sweet card, a call or text, some sexual enticement, or with me a beautiful DVD of all of our happy times that took many, many hours to make (all the while have the other girl help him perfect the music for what she alway thought was his gig and not for his secret other lover). I get the addiction and the hopeless feeling you feel. and the humiliation with friends and family when they see you gain with the person. I too am so tired and yet so very addicted. He thrives on my weakness because he doesn't understand his abuse and how I feel. He can't because of his illness. His relationship with her was all my fault, of course. I couldn't meet his needs, but, predictable, "I love you more!" There is nothing anyone can do. We can only save ourselves and I know how hard it is. I have to rely on just about every friend I have (and believe me they have just about committed me for continuing to return to him with the equally insane delusion that he will change). So those who are saying just to leave have no idea how terribly difficult it is to do. outNabout. I send you all of my best light, love and compassion to be strong and break away from this addiction. Stay away from any reminders of your lover and move towards your future. Keep you eye on the ball and slowly I believe that doing that, and with a tremendous amount of help, we can finally break free.