So it's been awhile since I've been on here but I am in a place that is strange. I am avoiding my ex from our last fight. As she told me that she would never date a bipolar person because they're just insane. Plus a few comments about how I can't give her what she needs and other hurtful comments. Even though now I'm debating about giving her a second chance and at the sametime dating a girl who seems stable and actually wants me ti better myself.
Besides all that though I went off my meds. Once again. The side effects are just bad plus the fact that men could produce liquid from their nipples and sexual problems scared me to death. So I decided I'm no longer going to chance that. So far I'm just in between really happy states and just really lows where I sometimes question if life is worth the struggle. I see a new therapist tomorrow and not sure if I want to come clean about not taking them anymore. I feel like I do better without them. I actually can feel emotions and I don't wake up feeling drunk or in a fog for must of the day. But the one thing I've noticed is I'm stuck. I can't decide what I want to do. I want to go to school but I'm also so **** of not working. Plus a few other things. I'm also getting the familiar urge to just ruin away. Go somewhere far away and never look back. I know that I'm destined for something but where and what it is I just don't know yet.